I Went to the Grocery Store on MLK Day

So based on the title you should already know that this is not a sports blog... In fact, it's a very serious blog covering a topic I feel very strongly about, abortion.  Just kidding, I'm not touching that one! What I really want to talk about is old people and particularly old people at the grocery store.  This is something that has been bugging me for a few days now and I just had to get my thoughts out there. 

I work from home so on Monday when I decided to take my lunch break I went to my local grocery store to do some light shopping for the week.  I would soon learn that this was a big mistake.  I pulled in the parking lot, and it was crowded, I didn't think much of it because it was noon and tons of employees at local businesses frequent this grocery store for lunch.  But then as I exited my car it dawned on me that the high volume of people was unusual because it was MLK Day and many people had off work. 

Despite the increased patronage, I get the best spot in the lot, because I always do..that's a fact!  The same is true for my father and his father before him, it's genetic - some families are world-class athletes, some get great parking spots.  Anyway, as I leave my car and approach the shopping center I notice a couple of old people walking past me, nothing out of the ordinary.  Then I enter and I see a handful more old-timers and I just think "huh, maybe the home let them out for the afternoon, how nice". 

Old lady Nursing home

I grab a shopping cart and move further into the guts of the store, no more than 30 seconds had passed and I was nearly struck by a geezer on a go-cart whipping around a corner like she was driving an Italian sports car. The old beast looked up at me and mumbled: "you should watch where you're going, I could have killed you."  Needless to say, I was appalled but credit to me, I kept my composure and continued to move about the store. 

Angry Old Lady

Over the duration of my time in the grocery store, I noticed close to a dozen incidents similar to mine.  A senior citizen on one of those scooters being either a simple inconvenience or a threat to everyone around them.  Then to think once they are finished shopping they are going to maneuver their old wrinkly bodies behind the wheel of a car and drive...It's insane, something needs to be done! 

Old Man Hammer

The easiest fix for this would be for the elderly to have someone else do their shopping for them. I mean come on, you're older than the Bible why do you want to haul yourself to the store and make everyone else miserable so you can get your Metamucil and bran muffins?! 

Another more creative solution I had was to have an assisted living establishment partner with a grocery store and ship all these seniors to grocery stores once or twice a week - that eliminates the threat of them driving.  And to make it fun for the old folks they can pass out coupon books on the way there, a good coupon could make an old person's day.

happy old people

Once they arrive their chaperone will then load them onto a trolley/monorail in the grocery store.  This vehicle will travel throughout the store and allow them to get everything they need without them getting in everyone's way.  Sure it would take a long time but based on what I've seen I don't think the elderly are in a particular hurry when shopping.  And for everyone else's safety, the store can put up crosswalks, gates, and flashing lights - like for trains, everyone loves trains!  Once the trip around the store is complete the seniors will be loaded back onto the bus and sent back to their respective living quarters. "Hey! what about checkout?!", you might wonder... Simple fix there, they don't check out at the store, they do it when they get back on the bus as to not bother any shoppers or grocery store employees that actually value their time.    

Some people may disagree with my progressive ideas, but they can not disagree with the fact that something must be done about old people ruining grocery stores for everyone else!

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